gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
