To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
