she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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