I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize