somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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