i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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