is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The Olympian is in my bed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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