How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
