We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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