Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's never too late to be topless.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
