dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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