All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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