It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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