I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
