I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize