I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
