i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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