I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
