I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
