I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
