You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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