Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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