is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
