Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
