if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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