you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
