I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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