false alarm. still invincible.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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