Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize