Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
