Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
