What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
