Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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