If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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