I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
