I wannas sexs uuuuu
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
