I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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