paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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