dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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