just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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