Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
