My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
