having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
birth control should be required to get into college
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize