My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
