OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
