I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
