Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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