I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
