I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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