You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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