The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
