shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
