i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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