how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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