I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
