somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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