There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We need to rekindle our bromance
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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