oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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