anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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