i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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