One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize