mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You dont lie about slip and slides
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i think my cat just said my name.
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