And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
