The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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