i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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