You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
