nut hugger
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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